Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
