Already got asked if we're dating
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
