Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
