My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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