More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
