bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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