I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
