Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
