i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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