normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
did i just pee glitter
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
