if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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