that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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