are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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