You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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