How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
