I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
