last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
