At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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