so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
