i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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