she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
