One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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