you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
