Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
