i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just tell him i said nine months
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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