Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize