the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
