Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
