My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
