I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
