I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
