He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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