she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
