I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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