Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
