don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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