I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
zippers are such a cool invention
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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