people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
