I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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