hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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