ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize