So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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