it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just tell him i said nine months
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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