I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
