I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
