My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
