roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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