I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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