Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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