I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
