So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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