Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
