He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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