dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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