Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
