hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
