The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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