counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
NoShamevember. You game?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
