I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
