got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
