Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
