You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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