My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
