You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
