I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
