I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
