I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
