I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
