it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
bring money and cleavage
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
