when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
