glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
